old tracks

when can i olvidarlo

no podemos evitar el amor ni pararlo
como toda la cara hundira sin soporte
de dientes, y tendrias que romperles
de la boca con una fuerza desmadrona
o dejarles de putfrificar atras decadas
incluso y especialmente cuando nos
preguntamos when can i olvidarlo

by suthi

resist prayer

while i'm not a giant
i resist prayer
and when the urge comes

i go where my unapologetic
ancestors swaggered off
and on charneled fields

to defend one's own dignity
against anti-existential
appeals campaigns talk

we deities of autonomy
rule this flesh for now
want believe name judge


Peg
(twins oncoming)

I don't know

Now listen baby
my darling husband
or not exactly,
I do not know

I tell a joke that
you get the milk but
you didn't have to
purchase the yoke

and I think that's funny,
but I kinda wonder,
just what is going,
what is going on

I just don't know dear,
but I want to
and you must tell me
to calm my fear

Mister dear, Mr. darling
While I dangle like a vine
Keep me wondering
How to tell you
that I don't know
if you are mine

[repeat]



Missy
"For Phyllis"

oaxaca lime pit

how could blood be there
because it moves the way
they leave and later enter

it surges through a system
thumping against the beat
apart from what we listen

similarly without this pod
the screechings of heaven
give all sound redundancy


Ilyn
"Fresh scar = clean slate."

Somehow, I have to cry

if the id or whut?
could at least let
me a) cry b) read
c) exercise every
day I'd be healed


Ilyn
First Words
Gravel Emergence
(Oaxaca lime pit)

recovering

With this gesture,
I am literally trying to shrink my own head

It's gone WONG,
too much going on, crazy, getting fat on itself

Holding it all in or
covering ears to keep out stimuli: yes both!

With my hands
pressed in random placement on head, yes

Eyes at times,
it's the universal symbol of exasperation

But ever since they
burned the mthyuh down I've been wearing

Their shirt and mascot
because they are like my remote bad actors


Mike
"Recovering."

SSRI

we remember the woman who'd tear across campus eyes ablaze with some SSRI
she was the emblem of all our sadness and was protected for that reason as a goddess
cry-happy but smile-sad, our inner affect, uncomfortable gut doubting, all there


Tom & Sylvia (Retired)
Associate Professors
College of Cement
Low Chank Campus

We can't help loving, and we can't stop

For our part, we realize we became lifelong missionaries and took on the inevitable and really not even worth it agonies of that profession simply because it was ligamented into us by a couple of 20-something zealots going through a phase. They way beyond that now. But us... it was during our formative years. We can't help loving, and we can't stop. 


Deena Jan & Jan Deena Jansdaad
"We are brother and sister and the daughter and son of Jan Jansdaad, Jan's and my dad along with who we call "the other daad," our mum, Deena Jansdaad." -Jan

Everyone judged me

Everyone judged me when I started murdering everyone, but it turned out of course that I was just in the first ring of the waves, and then everyone was murdering everyone, and then it was like aha, I get it, everyone probably should have murdered everyone a long time ago.


Reptily
Apologia (fragment)

Peace

We moved out here because of the peace of the summer trees that surrounded the house and hid it from the street. However now that a warm winter has come at night we hear the hoarse cries of animals woken from a chill and killing each other impulsively or screaming in the heat of want and/or fear.


Sylvia & Tom Mareieds 
Associate Professors
College of Cement
High Chank

so... nauseous...

so... nauseous...
help all the units with viable true K tissue
uh... help them... their radioactive waste is
not a just reason to end the race we
crossed a line and twisted their progeny...
ours now to keep... let them be whole on
some island or deep chank hole... so... deep...


Illyn
First words (audio)
Fourth emergence from solid rock
Fordamall

i can't tell

overrated: celebration of other-self indifference
recreation of so-called sages with no evidence
when i suffer: can't tell who or how much blame
but a look within and all around seems the same
i can't keep up with it-- all the tempers i inflame
can't call me lame, but destruction's not my game
i'm badly lit-- flip-- i turn the mirror to its opposite
but that's still not it; what's my responsibility and
what's just bullshit, the produce of someone's
random ignobility, how much burden can i lay
of course in the most respectful way at the feet of
person or persons who made the system or let it
have its way with my innocent children god help
them as she may your houses may they burn, burn


Mkidza Mlaf
Temple Breach Response
Day II

Dumpster eagle

Fat-ass eagle dives for a mole and misses,
swoops self up into a treetop, but only
about 12 feet high. Staring dumbly down,
can't seem to remember why. Scratches claw-
to-head like a dog. Dumpster catches his eye.


by Mike

You're funny when you cry

Let me drag you around the
world as i use up the last
scraps associations places
while i remember and they
still live but hopefully do
not remember what i give
to a culture not my nation

How about a last tour to
confirm the invisibility of
what i think i know is there,
see in my face what's now
and new, plus you and
some cab fare, and a hotel
room to go discover or to

Cower where you can't hear
leaf blowers or sirens just
cooling fans in a cable box,
muffled hums of a garbage
disposal or the water softener
if you wander downstairs in
an hour when it's time to sleep.


Donna
Drama Night
Main Clinic
Centre for the Journal of the Meta-Cognitive Talk-Therapy Apologist Associations

pod boss

edge of the chaffed amygdalae
insouciance toward knowledge
tucked fuel sources in the cage

Probably got another one

scrubs in sealed shipping bags
heavy lined plastic, bar code
stickers, shoes obvious shape

stacked unskewed in a tower
busy representing a symbol of
a meaning to life's true answer

was nursing assistant school a
reasonable choice for me, the
first person since in my tree

since our species's ancestors
that developed little more than
an anus and a mouth, and we

trace our lineage back to one
of those; though the model
they've identified it looks like

a mouth similar in appearance
to a butthole, but both takes
in and out or possibly blows

the shit out through ears all
over its body, which had hair;
a heart is an undersea creature

squeezing like a jellyfish, and
always in liquid, the ribs a
hamster wheel of swimming

what ligature has to strap this
demon in to lunge for life as
might a racehorse but to eat/

shit; never really free except
for chemically, and in mama-
lian skin, it's too dark to see

but these thoughts populate
anxiety attacks as much as
organizations jonesing to

know your race / "heritage"
so they can put you in touch
with genetically linked others


Dr. Donna Thong
"Licensure in Dispute"

Age of resentment

We got into the grant program that paid for all our books
We get to class the first day and it says TIP: patients do not like to see excessive
jewelry or visible tattoos and there we were with our necks inked out in
shooting stars, both of us, by coincidence

Funny though how i'm like this mama polar bear pregnant with four babies barking out
orders and everyone scrambles to do what i want it's bitchin
they find out how many fetuses you've got and they take any abuse you can give them
but then i feel a little bad afterwards, but i'm fighting for my kids


Mkidza Mlaf

Hospice town

Bordering the frontier a town
splays greenly above a reservoir
kicks out sprays of dry mock-
flower leaf, like a movie lot
in a canyon sheltered from plan-
etary winds, still, magenta
and violet and mock-lavendar
where people say it's a spirit
place, where you come to get
in touch with healing power of
eponymous indigenous graves
and lots of folks who are well
paid for healing in case the
canyon moons, road runners
cannot quite get accomplished
for what the great spirits paid
in other words it's a whore town
a hospice town where therapists
palliate your last moments in
a state where you don't care
about the difference, as your
barber might be fine as last
confessor, it was where they
all came for the community
and low-cost care and healing
and either died or kept on
fucking us, them, each other
retaining that moment of last
meal pleasure forever, fading,
but whoring one for another


Hoolie
Late Revelations
Cliffe Suites

I went far

Now upon the return and in the glow of
the full moon out back i see i went far

Was it ingenuous to go away to live as
an outsider among a foreign tribe or in

Local outposts of the mind, violate the
hours that most would call a proper day

Or heroic to spin amok like weather to
create mock fortunes of errata until the

Axis tilts your head back to a familiar
square, a silent ticker-tape procession

And bent so, where you've been is up-
side down, yet somehow a perfect yarn

And thank your stars we've lived with-
out the anxiety about the breeding loop

No need to strain to imagine that one's
thoughts, approach, intent are common

Yet still without escape from the human
drama, played always on one instrument

Cradling my baby on this glacial shelf
a green northern light seems a beacon

The night we gave ourselves to the sky-
wide mystery, sparkling black screen

We cast it as a convergence or scheme
meant to recycle my past and his future

And take us, take us presently to some
longhouse or cloud palace, sleep, breast



Chamatilly
Late Shard #4