Virtually no production shutdowns

All biological namesakes of Jan Jansdaad Jr. have the duty and the privilege of electing Depth of Relationship (DOR) settings. 

To begin, select the  >Batch function, which will assign the same foundational DOR setting to All Living Jans. You may select from foundational settings such as vague acquaintance, acquaintance, buddy, friend, lover, family (all permutations), family (all blood), family (nuclear), or none (your setting will default to the foundational DOR setting of the individual Jans with whom you will interact). Selecting "none" signals that you are willing to comply equally with any of the foundational settings that another Jan may have chosen. 

Before finalizing your selection, reflect on how each of these choices as a foundational DOR for All Living Jans will affect your trajectory. You must also take into account the likelihood of other Jans' DOR choices aligning with yours. 

For example, can you realistically expect that the foundational DOR selected by other Jans, even those whom you have never met, will align with your "family (nuclear)" election? You might think it would be great for everyone to be your parent, sister, or brother, but what level of compliance can you realistically expect? How likely is it that other Jans will also have chosen "family (nuclear)" as their foundational DOR?

Next, select the >Filter function, which can batch select subgroups of Jans for assignment of group DOR settings. 

Choose a group. Some of these are coworkers, neighbors, service workers, and imaginary Jan friends. 

Next, assign your preferred DOR setting to that group. Do the same for each of the other groups. Remember that if you do not choose a setting, the DOR will default to the setting chosen by any other Jan with whom you might interact. 

If neither of you has chosen a setting, you are on your own with the limited skills of communication and empathy that your average Jan can muster. For DOR related emergencies, do not contact MPS. Call your local emergency services number directly. 

Once you have entered conflict mode with another Jan, your option to elect DOR settings manually will not be available. Please allow the technician to access your Filter of Loathing panel and make the appropriate adjustment to your master settings. These settings will remain in effect until you have updated your foundational and group DOR settings in the app. 

At this time, no individual DOR settings are available for election through the app. Selection of individual DORs must be negotiated per pre-MPS guidelines, and no support can be provided for these primitive transactions. 

For these and many more reasons, MPS strongly suggests setting all groups and subgroups, including your actual nuclear family, to the "acquaintance" DOR level by simply electing the "acquaintance" DOR as your foundational DOR setting. 

Within the "acquaintance" foundational DOR setting panel, you may select from three modes: acquaintance (default), acquaintance (trusted), or acquaintance (red flag).  

The foundational "acquaintance (default)" DOR setting is designed to ensure lasting, dependable, and uninterrupted collaboration with all other Jans no matter their group, subgroup, or elected DOR settings. You will experience virtually no production shutdowns due to emotional imbalance, abstract allegiances, biological coupling, unplanned pregnancies, or STIs. 

K5000 dump frag #lke89723hlsg0i234i
Phyliss [trans.]

Path of Self-Destruction

Missy is soaring low, just above the siraitia grosvenorii canopy near Ilyn's Diving Board. 

She notices two tiny K males ready for combat. Their tails are raised and curled back over their heads. The cool, shadowy grove seems an unlikely place for tensions to build. 

Feeling bored, Missy decides to take a side, to see if she can force a duel and then influence the outcome. There were far too many male Ks in the Chanklands. She would only ever need one, if any. 

Soaring in a tight circle, she reflects on which of the males is most irritating to her. Then she chooses the one she would least like to eat as the loser. His left brachiopatagium is discolored, perhaps from salt water. "Did you ever stop to think about how your opponent is feeling?" she asks him. 

He cannot respond, and he doesn't know where the question is coming from because Missy is speaking to him with her mind only. 

"You think he deserves your wrath, but did you ever look yourself in the mirror?"

The fighter Missy's chosen as the winner, and perhaps her future sex toy, has sensed an advantage. He hasn't even bared his claws or teeth. Instead, he regurgitates the sloppy, stinking remains of three pilgrim scouts onto loser's face. 

"Imagine the kind of pain he must be feeling, the stress he must be under, to disrespect you that way. You know, life is all about choices. You can give into your shameful anger and start another fight (why do you always get into fights?), or you can turn around and walk away right now. You have choices today."

Missy's loser actually internalizes her message and turns to walk away. This arrogance enrages Missy's winner, who feels that he who holds the high ground is he who can bravely be the ass kicker, not the one who self-righteously declines to fight. 

Missy's winner chomps onto the end of the loser's tail and drags a couple of teeth along it deep enough to crush a row of keratinoid scaling, a mark that will heal but not disappear. 

Missy's loser turns reflexively, baring three rows of teeth and a fiercely aromatic hiss. 

"You're going to let him push your buttons? Tell me. Is this what you want your life to be like? Blundering from one conflict to another? Is this how you want to spend the remaining time you have on the surface? Why are you always searching for trouble? Can't you just leave this one alone?" 

Missy's loser is not able to take in the last of these thought messages because Missy's winner has buried his teeth in loser's ear basket and also the corner of his eye, so there is a lot of emotional and electronic static in the connection due to this world-class pain event. 

"It's ok man. You know, at least you are dying honorably. And it's karma, right? You have to admit. You had this coming. In these last few moments, forget about the teeth in your eye. This is you time. Think about, for example, how you will explain your path of self-destruction to LaMthyuh." 

morning train

morning train this day is past due

it won't get better with time

fact is

you're living in tomorrow fool

you're living in tomorrow fool

Train from a brick house starts as a

choir singing or a trapped fly

then you're

shaking and you wonder why

shaking and you wonder why

morning train you can go on

to the shadow of the sun

where they're

still asleep and wanting none

still asleep and wanting none

Missy wigs out before her first big recital

But Missy, you've at least got to be familiar with basic algebraic terms before you can move onto

I reject mathematics

I know it's not interesting for you, and it really is beneath your dignity to be expected to follow a regimen of daily study in

It's not that I'm lazy or uninterested or too good for mathematics, darling. I say I reject them. Mathematics. Algebra. Physics. I reject them, I say! I don't even count when I'm playing music or dancing la dance. You are right, numeric pursuits, no matter how abstract, are beneath us all. They are crude attempts at representing no more than a pitiful few parlor tricks of nature. 

Of course your experience of nature and of existence is inerrant and eminent and

And oh yes I know, peppermint. Please stop it. I'm just trying, perhaps poorly, to express the availability, the accessibility of these concepts and far more, simply by living a life of nirvanic mindfulness. And that such a life is the only way to truly understand nature, which is not made of laws, but of love. 

Missy was actually beginning to doubt her own sanity, her grasp on reality, and she knew that there must be an experience, a foundation, that she could call reality and that, regardless of all the gaslighting that the court and the courtiers could produce, this perception, knowledge, understanding would be and must be the foundation for all thought and action going forward, but most of all, it would create a lovely opportunity for a nap. 

Phyliss [trans.]

God become flesh become beast become metaphor become flesh become god become beast

Do you remember the day you decided to sign the Extinction Takeback Agreement and release La Pegyuh-uh into the wild? 

Hmm yes I certainly do. Of course I do. 

I imagine it was a

An emotional time, an emotional day, yes. Just the decision to do so, you see, was difficult on all of us. She hadn't even gone yet, hadn't even been informed, still behind bars, quite lidderly. 

At the hangar? 

Yes, Friends Hangar, yes. They call it Friends Hangar now. 

What was it then, sir? 

It was a charnel house. A place of desmadre and of horror. A moonlit cavern many times larger than our greatest stone cathedral completely coated, hanging with gristle, bone chips, shredded scout uniforms, backpacks. 

She'd been getting out on her own from time to time then? 

No, well, there was no need. The flekes came to her, didn't they? 

That was, is, in their custom, their reason to live and multiply. 

To be food for the mouths of LaMthyuh, yes, of course. 

So you knew, all of you, that once free, released from this cathedral of charnel, there would be others, not flekes, civilians, Jans, for example, who would be hurt, who

Who would die, yes, of course that is the bargain. 

And what is it that you got in return. 

I got a lifetime of penance and giving, mostly on the road, being a white light for the pilgrims, a cart to follow on up the hill to the holy place. 

You speak of the diving board. 

Of course, yes, it's my—it's Mthyuh's Diving Board, and it is at the climax of our holy trail of dirt and the logical culmination and the spiritual reboot of our journey our journey together. 

Your message is one of reincarnation. 

That's a very funny word that I would never use in the context of my circuit, reincarnation, ha! I wish I could magically get fresh meat to go around in on a regular basis but that is sadly the whole point of my existence that no matter the punishment and devastation to my body, I still rise back up through the soils to our surface without missing a beat. It's really all too routine to Shab and me now. We'd actually like more of a break now and then. We love our stops along the road to drink from the dung-spiked waters and pick marigolds and chrysanthemums for my bed and as gifts for devotees and the poor, who are known to eat them directly off the stems or burn them in funerary rites and charnel houses. 

It's a message of healing then, not a do over. 

Sure, it's both, and don't forget putrefaction

The stages of putrefaction 

Yes, the stages of putrefaction perfectly mirror the stages of enlightenment in the charts and tables as they are handed down by the MPS. 

And the translation of these tables and charts is inerrant. 

I guess you could say that. The tables and charts are not translated, so ya, they are what the ladies, you know, La Pegyuh-uh, LaChama. the more articulate one, what they say. It's just that they say it with their minds only, and the MPS has to write it down, but they speak the language of the mouths of Mthyuh so I'd call it seamless, yes. You know, nobody asks how Shab gets to be immortal. We get it that the Dog Spirit is in every dog and that any dog can be loved and will respond to love and in a way teach and be an avatar of love, and when they die, they spring up again, and they are the same Dog Spirit. This is easy to spot in other species, but less so in our own, even though it is equally true. 

Each one of us has

Yes, Dog Spirit, correct, each one of us has that, is that. Flipping a couple of switches in a DNA strand won't change that blessed truth. 

But it could change other aspects of an animal, say an extinct one, right? 

You refer to the manner in which we were able to retrieve 

The beasts, yes, the K bitches. 

They, too, were always with us. They only needed flesh to show and assert themselves again in a less abstract manner. 

Whereas once they were a metaphor

Right, that's it, no more figurative language to describe the essence of our religious moral social legal coding. Now all of that is 

Flesh. 

Flesh, yes. 

Yes, flesh. 

Your majesty, your beauteous grace, sir Ilyn, I cannot

Stop it. Thank you. It was a pleasant and welcome break from my duties, to which I will now return somewhat refreshed. 

From: Only known interview with his graciousness. 
Phyliss [trans.]

Flying K

Honestly I didn't know what to choose or not choose to add; as soon as I said no, not that, then one of you guys would be like no? Why not? Look how it's connected to this and this and that, so. 

Ya, that Ayre Fromme-Diaz, especially, what is she HR? she's all like ya put it all in there! It's easier to subtract later than to add later. Really though?

I am not so sure about that. As soon as I send it through the transmitter it is logged forever and will outlive us all. 

Look, said Fromme-Diaz, it's a dump. The K-5000 got shot down, so you can't expect all the files to land in a convenient storyboard for your translating purposes. 

And I realize she has a point, so that actually eliminates any anxiety at least about choosing the wrong material or choosing too much material from now on. Maybe one day I'll also get 

[Message Invasively Truncated Here by MPS]

Phyliss [trans.]

Oracle of the Bored and Jaded Deity

PILGRIM: Oracle of the Demon of All Loving, All Giving, All Knowing, please, my life is passing before my eyes, and I'm trying to sieve it off into the Fountain of Forgetting, but it's coming too fast, there are whitecaps forming on the fountain waters, and all other operations are under threat of shutting down. Please, make it stop! 

LA CHAMATILLY (in the mask of the Demon of All Loving, All Giving, All Knowing): Have you consulted directly with Braino as you are doing with me here, now. 

PILGRIM: No, of course not, he's the one causing this mess! He's the one

LA CHAMATILLY (still wearing the mask, holding it before her face on the end of a twig): Consult directly with Braino. 

PILGRIM: But it's

LA CHAMATILLY: Do it.

PILGRIM: Braino, my life is passing before my eyes, and I'm trying to sieve it off into the Fountain of Forgetting, but it's coming too fast, there are white caps forming in the fountain waters, and all other operations are in danger of shutting down. Please, make it stop! 

BRAINO (Chamatilly ventriloquizes to the PILGRIM in a deep, knowing voice and with her mind only): Yes, I understand. All you need do is ask. No, I cannot make it stop. But I can continue to engage with the text on your behalf while you get some food and sleep. I will report back in the morning upon your command. 

K-5000 dump #ljierf9og8u3e90oiprjt
Phyliss [trans]