Combat pay

Worst tourette's in 30 years
I'm praying to god and then
try Braino and i'm back and forth
when somebody says, This is what
i can do: and a hand grips a lever
like you might see in a cockpit
and draws it down along with
every tic in my face neck and
shoulder, the whole circuit through
which i communicate and suffer
and click and point and decide, all
burnt out from the deviated septum
at the top of my nose to the preter-
connected jaw bone that won't open
and close right to the cervix in the
neck whipping around to the wet
wing-like struggles of the shoulder
blade to be free and finally dis-
located, all calm and moved only
by natural breathing and settling in.
Shab sits by arguing for extra
everything as if it's combat pay.

by Ilyn

Hispanic-themed plan

When i was sane i had crazy red jesus hair 

how it made me look like a flaming canon ball going off the edges of LaMthyuh

how i crawl back up through the rubble of endless punishment

but now my tourette's so bad and they won't give me clonidine cuz it sounds so

druggie, and the other PA says i gotta go back on the opiates so as to come down

easy, so i went for some nicotine patches and they only had 2 and 4 when what 

i need to even begin controlling the tic, which will result in a cervical injury, is a

12 to 16. So i got the 4 gum but it works for like 30 seconds and even my speech is

still contorted from the facial ticking, so i went back and bought a pack of lighters 

and some american spirit. now, as i had prophesized, i have the tic and a nico-monkey

on my back to boot. and eating desserts like crazy. every process of my life is disrupted.

When i went to the emergency room i was still on regular medicare so the hospital chain

i ended up at had to take me tho they prefer to keep out riffraff. Then by the time i was 

out with my four tramadols and a bunch of proton inhibitors i got dropped from regular

medicare and dumped into a hispanic-themed plan with the exotic doctors. I'm thinking countercultural though might be the way to go if i'm thinking there's gonna be a bias against my medicinal cannabis use at all the white hospitals with the five xtian stations to go out on and no msnbc.

by Illyn

Thank you

I still don't fully know or understand what happened
but I still have a profound feeling like you
pulled me back from the other side.

After that I hung against a scrim
and engaged with energized groups of interlocutors
through the gauze

You took my belly in your hands and lightly
shook
with a pleased look at how simple it all is

Baby's on a spectrum

It hurt so much
but it wasn't spose to be
then it hurt me even more
cuz i wouldn't let him free.

i locked him deep inside
i locked him deep inside

i shut him in my car
and laid it on the gas
i tucked him in my bed
all up around his ass

i locked him deep inside
i locked him deep inside 

i put him on the porch
like an alley cat
i kept him in some woods
where he could take a breath

i locked him deep inside
i locked him deep inside
i locked him deep inside

Go take your marijuana

Dirty white leather zipper Bible (he held the)

He was staying with his aunt and uncle
on account of chasing cans at the fair
so he had to go where they went
and they went to church at night
so they gave him his dead cousin's
dirty white leather zipper Bible
which he held gently between his thighs

Literally broken inside

coming apart from within
physical connectors, structures

snapping and rolling

splitting, detaching ruptures

literally broken inside

i had mistaken the pangs for

"sadness," gut-level terror

a predisposer for suicide

will i get a new lease on life

unbiased by the part that's lived

stretching beyond the knife

return to a pain that's figurative?

by Jan

Today's dog walk

Today a large turd was stuck on a long hair coming out M'Lady's butt, but as she tried to squeeze out the rest, the pendulous turd knocked against her ankles, and it scared her, and she lurched forward, which made the turd swing even harder to come back and spank her on her haunches, which scared her even more, so she took off running like a crazy rabbit in starts and stops until I and a plastic bag finally caught up with her. I felt bad because she had obviously eaten at least one of my hairs, which could actually cause a strangulation of the bowel. I'd say we both better get more serious about not only personal hygiene but also mindfulness around the jetsam and detritus we're always leaving behind in the form of our hairs.

by Jan

Perfick feminist death machine

what happened to me privately, converse to any choice i'd make

became performance through reporting as in a passion play, the

details of my victimization, and i say it that way as a nod to my

audience, who needed some blanks filled in, but also even after,

in performative description, so as to gather empathy

from ghosts, scarecrows, invaders, exploiters, the righteous blinded:

assault on me is now a thing that they can see and be seen seeing


i neither submitted nor killed because there was no choice to

make as an unconscious body, only a being state, target for a man's

acting out desire, fantasy, hate, grief, curiosity, lust, disrespect on

a responseless warm human figure who mostly can't see or can't

remember, couldn't move or argue race or gender, agency, consent,

the weather, how my choices got me to this, and his, our destiny:

knowing full well if i retaliate, i make it all come down on me again.



by Peg

flesh-coloured virus

it started as a virus but i didn't notice
since the color of the bumps matched
my complexion

i'd only seen it once before, and just
a dot of it, and that was on my father,
back of his hand

mine were few, but one on my foot
was activated during an attack of
fire ant itching

from there they flamed, while beige,
enough to startle any dermatologist
from commenting

it's as if they've looked and seen their
own lives pass before them in
shallow relief



Ilyn
Jornada de Banyos Calientes

Difficult persons club

my non-traditional family
we were very immature actually
no one wanted a parent role

if you're talking gestalt, the
adult-adult transaction was
more about manly tool use

and there was the night
a creature tore shrieking down
the hall in a black slip

authentic expressions of socially
counter-intuitive archetypes were
contrary to easy

like any submarine of the
enraged, engaged, and
stuck on mutual aid

delight had to be wrenched
from a deep hard place and
cauterized in the pool



by Mike
Mike's Swimming Blog #Appendix

We bred them to forgive

I need an outlet for my
transgressiveness
so i don't end up in jail

they used to say that life's a
script you write
not the kind you steal

if i could choose the wave to
get swept up in
i'd be master of my days

if i commit to doing
wrong always
i will never fail



Reptily
Reptily in Exurbia  (frag.)

FOR TONY

1, 2, 3, 4...

how can you still look 40 when you've been 50 years getting fucked by murdering presidents
how can you be sitting down when a clock is ticking that's already taken my family down
can you let it register on your face after all this time the terror of having done it all wrong

you let them die
you're letting them
die, die, die, die

etc.



by Hoolie
"Read to the music you likely hear accompanying it in your mind."

Top searches for...

Kick me out, and keep me out!!

I should have known there would already be a gay Paul Bunyan & Babe the Blue Ox series of X-rated adventures.

The reason I didn't know is that I hate reading gay fiction as a genre which of course also makes it hard to write both since I hate it and also having to reinvent the wheel.

Lesson: Every wheel has already been invented. Playing naive nobody will buy it. That you are so un-read. As to have no idea about it and also arrogant.

Once again I swear it's alright if you want to cancel me do it now, eat me first. I want to take full advantage of the benefits resulting from catastrophe.

Stop me while I'm still sizzling hot, boys. I've grown exponentially more irresistibly rugged (although now i'm reaching the top): Because too many bullies in gladiator camp

I'm a dropout. All my training has been direct and in the field, them or me, and when society was a child. A man's got no choice but to go it alone when he knows that

Any group he joins will have a remarkably similar percentage of bullies looking for a long-term relationship, and they will smell you and they will come to you.

Better taking them as they come on the street or in an office and take them unsparingly, as if your own life means nothing to you, in fact less to you than it obviously does to a bully

Neither those who are infatuated with you nor you yourself are a gift of or to society; we are the necessary triggers that build natural defenses that make pearls from

Grains of discord, hot with hate, covered over by hardening slime, an anti-semen, shadow excretion that enrages men, makes them crazy for about on each other.

And then there is Paul, alone with a super-human animal, which says it all.



by Ilyn
(and Shab, of course)

Metaproject: Project List

I have only three thangs to say:
mm, mm, and mm. Mm-mm-mm.

The download page is infected with
malware.

My instrument will not play. It is
rendered useless without the proprietary software packages.

Momentarily the keys tooted like a "funky organ,"
then nothing, and all other sounds followed

into that electronic drain hole if they were even
being produced at all by that point

all music, no matter the source, was
ravaged

how ravaged was it you might ask?
I would say very ravaged.

To the point where the only sounds were
created by the cooling fans within the console itself.



Dr. Donna Spah-Thong
"Once a doctor, always a doctor."

I am a robot and I will save your life if you turn over all your worldly goods to me

We ask how some of the tenets of houseist theory can be extrapolated.

A houseist might set accessibility, for example, as a special category for cleaning evaluations. Orderliness or what we normally think of as orderliness does not necessarily apply as a best practice here. I know where my phone is because it's in the phone place. The phone place doesn't need a sign or assignment in either physical or digital worlds. I can't keep my phone place on my phone, for example, because it exists in my mind, which is after all a perfectly legitimate place to keep information especially when situations are so fluid as to render hand-drawn signs or even typed file names instantly moot.

Having crap all over the place can make good sense during periods of uncertainty and flux. However, be mindful of how widespread that crap and how big the sides like stress level to maintain it for long periods, especially after the bottom layers become resolved and have achieved waste or archive status, where the norms of "cleaning" kick back into place.



Donna
From "Notes for presentation proposal: Association of the Meta-Cognitive Talk Therapy Apologist Movement National Convention, Tulsa, Oklahoma, 'Hanging Out Matters,' 2020."

they seem delusional

first there was the cutest baby cardinal, big head
hopping in grass cut to his bib

then the warning came out take cover now
went for a walk, fed the dog

south side windows were sunny
in the north clouds were sucking

it's unstable, yet the babies play
we agreed to don masks

but also adding mimicry of foreign accents
and false mustaches

mayor sez bein a K shouldn't be a life sentence
though some think it one

but they've made it so they can put you in a
cage made of human tissue and bones

and you live there letting others love your
life, can't hear your cries

if we could step out of the chicken suit
and just go on a date

but the context baby is previously owned
they might seem delusional

but this is our home, in their sleep. wait
a bit longer till they're gone.



by Peg
(Petty Entry-level Geriatric)

Seeing Red, Except It's Blue

flower child's child's child's child
please don't look backwards
to see the flowers

pricks can create an itch that
you might not even mention
for the pain

even smiling, beware the
words that only sound good
singing




by Reptily
"In retrospect."

apenas, juan

apenas, juan
que olvidara
your sister's name

apenas, y nunca
podria dejarte in
Spain.

por si caso leas
tu esta nota de
botella

no me digas
que no me quieras
mas que ella



por Santorabo