memories from everywhere in on at my body

only just now realized (had previously suspected)

only just now realized
(had previously suspected)
that i'm pre-selected
to go to pasture

careers into deep space
must be blind to any
evidence of imminent
disaster to circumvent

anticipatory sepukku.
outbursts, demanding.
desperate clambering.
non-best practices.



by Ilyn

Gong

Gong.
No.
Gong.
No. No...
Gong. Gong.
N-no..No!
Gong.

Green rubber smock

Aside from these flashes
of green rubber smock,
which i found to be un-
comfortable, with naked
bloody jelly, against my
mommy

And stainless steel, once
gruesome, now just tired
in a billion kitchens: 60's
newborns remember ash-
amedly yet in a light less
dimly

August rises redundantly
announcing renewed urg-
ency to push, push harder
and the grind on the city
mortar or orbital mower,
calmly


Donna
"I'm at peace with my hip-to-breast ratio."

Fungi and invasive finery

Jan,

Thank you for sharing this. One aspect that seems out of balance, however, is an ongoing one. That is the idea that Peg is there to help Ted with his health problems, and that hers appear to always come second, no matter the severity. Did you omit her strokes because she asked you to? Her health has been progressively and adversely affected by constantly carrying Ted's wheelchair (yes, even the "light" one hurts my back when I lift it), as well as being housekeeper and nursing staff while she is having strokes and other serious issues such as rotten teeth, which they finally got around to paying for during your visit. They have no dental insurance for her.

Between foot and brain, is the brain not the more vital organ? Strokes are what Peg is actually having-- not just something that "either one of them" could hypothetically have. If we are talking about contingencies, it is not difficult to asses who is in more danger of "passing first." Peg is determined but is losing her battle to meet all of the harmful and inappropriate expectations placed on her by someone who does not and cannot effectively appreciate or respond to the needs of others. No judgement here-- just a verified fact that is widely agreed upon by many reasonable observers, including members of your family and, at times, our parents themselves.

 I am assuming that the above and also the omission of the specific need for a different living arrangement where Ted could receive care without further endangering my mother's health was left out because they were also copied on your note. I believe we need to be quite

direct, however, and very soon, about what is needed and not sugar coat, which our parents are already way overdoing themselves.

So it sounds like the conclusion is that we should just continue the status quo: everything will be fine as long as Peg continues to cater to Grandpa Ted's health needs in spite of her own much worse health (which you did not mention). I believe that is not a correct impression or conclusion to be circulating-- even to them-- but you are obviously entitled to your own observations and opinions.

If you believe for religious reasons or whatever that a woman must completely subject her own needs to a man, then Ted has four daughters who are women, and maybe those of you that feel that way should consider doing that for your father instead of placing that deadly expectation on Peg, who has never held those beliefs. Indeed, once she is gone, it will be the four of you
who will be responsible for Ted and his substantial demands. After watching what has happened to Peg over the past few years and how much her health has disintegrated while caring for a mostly robust yet selfish man, we will certainly not be the ones to continue Mom's sacrifice beyond her lifetime.

This is what I feel duty bound to say as a family member, and please trust that I am far from alone in these sentiments among those who know Ted and Peg intimately day to day.


Sincerely,
Hoolie

toast & eggs

butterfly

If not...

if not craven, picaresque or cruel
if not disengaged, deluded

vines and

Now they have and have been having them for a while

When before they were always just about to have them?

At least if you're dead all the sudden you'll know why.

so much is revealed in the eyes when you say what state you're from

and you might think much less if you only claim it as a birth place

but the ground itself is run through with nodes or a beckoning mesh

even while seated you may be inching backward to that sucking hole

from which you entered the world and began to absorb its pollutants

and energy and riddles and talking ways and then shat into it so often

by Ilyn

"Been ailing."

Glory hole of war

[This post has been masked by the Mthyuh Protection Society's soulless inquisitors.]

pellicle

cowl, pellicle, slime

You want too much truth

feel your own blood
how you know what life is
liquid creature encaged

follow the sound into louder
where it seems more human
bladder of every pain

tumble down the common stair
natural as water hitting base
wake-up to pin this day

Thanks,
Hoolie

sloth ambulance II

sloth ambulance
it's an urgency

this tree surgeon
i don't recognize

ad reels spin
until dawn is none

actors re-imagine
everything great

facial whores
sell out our grief


by Peg
"I wrote in my husband."

He sleeps fine

i cd tell him
pls come back to the other bed pls

i cd beg and cry and fall asleep &
he could sigh

but instead i rhyme like a maricon
& he sleeps fine


by Mike

On drama

God everything didn't used to be so serious
yes it did
no it didn't

When is it dramatic and when is it drama
it's all drama
no, dramatic is real

You mean mimesis is cathartic, but
life is dramatic
it's not real drama

Life is intense and absurd and shocking
drama tries to capture that
life is that. yeah.

But now somehow life exaggerates itself
drama's more plausible
if that's not dramatic, then

Then it's not life because life is more
intense than any drama
i was going to say that


Peg & La Chama
Inter-cellular whispering through ancient glory hole carved through stone wall
Mthyuh Protection Society prison installation
Chukka, Low Chank

Early spring

The mind alone

the mind alone is not a mind but a mind's freedom fantasy
meanwhile atrophic a good set of flesh bound only by light
servitude to anarchic teenage Gorgon or yes that construct

of a mind about itself afraid of consort or to act inasmuch
the unrentable pairing is as obnoxious to us as anyone's ass
one sits dumb waiting and the other verbal preens in jelly

by Ilyn
"Any carnal powers were spent on the violence of my birth."

old tracks

when can i olvidarlo

no podemos evitar el amor ni pararlo
como toda la cara hundira sin soporte
de dientes, y tendrias que romperles
de la boca con una fuerza desmadrona
o dejarles de putfrificar atras decadas
incluso y especialmente cuando nos
preguntamos when can i olvidarlo

by suthi

resist prayer

while i'm not a giant
i resist prayer
and when the urge comes

i go where my unapologetic
ancestors swaggered off
and on charneled fields

to defend one's own dignity
against anti-existential
appeals campaigns talk

we deities of autonomy
rule this flesh for now
want believe name judge


Peg
(twins oncoming)