Unauthorized swagger

becoming slowly overgrown, sewn hard

you've added a ying and yang to my navel

now the blue eyelight is giving way to 

nicotine grey but under it all, a swagger

there is a weightlessness in the wonder,

a wager, an escalator ending in cumuli

 

but down home they're making cider

and stomping vines and calling back hell

 

 

by Ilyn

whether or not you can escape, it will be prolonged

the cancer dust sticks to the radioactive sugar and voila!

only those especially privileged to view the scan can say

whether or not you can escape, it will be prolonged

and then delivered matter of fact as if they'd always known.

and it will be linked, in shame, to an original sin either way

you've lived this believed this wrong and look what's gone down.

and then what an appreciation parade? or worse, none. 

completely undignified but druggie-fun moments of hospice

and then, well, to the big review board overall, were you...

that was your exit interview. you know longer matter in real

time and space, but yes in the electronic gyrations of those

 

just behind you on the trail, in an accessible membrane.

For Hoolie

by Uncle Ilyn

Mucked up with bandage glue

this grey mess

drifts in glue time

on the arms legs and 

random surfaces gets

stuck to newspapers

and press-on nails

ashes, pigeon fluff

walking an old-timey

times square effect

they try to apply 

patches but I'm not

the same already 

as i was just today

putting bandaids on

a building falling down

tho it's sticking me

together now.

by Ilyn

Combat pay

Worst tourette's in 30 years
I'm praying to god and then
try Braino and i'm back and forth
when somebody says, This is what
i can do: and a hand grips a lever
like you might see in a cockpit
and draws it down along with
every tic in my face neck and
shoulder, the whole circuit through
which i communicate and suffer
and click and point and decide, all
burnt out from the deviated septum
at the top of my nose to the preter-
connected jaw bone that won't open
and close right to the cervix in the
neck whipping around to the wet
wing-like struggles of the shoulder
blade to be free and finally dis-
located, all calm and moved only
by natural breathing and settling in.
Shab sits by arguing for extra
everything as if it's combat pay.

by Ilyn

flesh-coloured virus

it started as a virus but i didn't notice
since the color of the bumps matched
my complexion

i'd only seen it once before, and just
a dot of it, and that was on my father,
back of his hand

mine were few, but one on my foot
was activated during an attack of
fire ant itching

from there they flamed, while beige,
enough to startle any dermatologist
from commenting

it's as if they've looked and seen their
own lives pass before them in
shallow relief



Ilyn
Jornada de Banyos Calientes

Kick me out, and keep me out!!

I should have known there would already be a gay Paul Bunyan & Babe the Blue Ox series of X-rated adventures.

The reason I didn't know is that I hate reading gay fiction as a genre which of course also makes it hard to write both since I hate it and also having to reinvent the wheel.

Lesson: Every wheel has already been invented. Playing naive nobody will buy it. That you are so un-read. As to have no idea about it and also arrogant.

Once again I swear it's alright if you want to cancel me do it now, eat me first. I want to take full advantage of the benefits resulting from catastrophe.

Stop me while I'm still sizzling hot, boys. I've grown exponentially more irresistibly rugged (although now i'm reaching the top): Because too many bullies in gladiator camp

I'm a dropout. All my training has been direct and in the field, them or me, and when society was a child. A man's got no choice but to go it alone when he knows that

Any group he joins will have a remarkably similar percentage of bullies looking for a long-term relationship, and they will smell you and they will come to you.

Better taking them as they come on the street or in an office and take them unsparingly, as if your own life means nothing to you, in fact less to you than it obviously does to a bully

Neither those who are infatuated with you nor you yourself are a gift of or to society; we are the necessary triggers that build natural defenses that make pearls from

Grains of discord, hot with hate, covered over by hardening slime, an anti-semen, shadow excretion that enrages men, makes them crazy for about on each other.

And then there is Paul, alone with a super-human animal, which says it all.



by Ilyn
(and Shab, of course)

street cred

Despite the moral and health risks i still cherish my connections to the dark side, stated La Chama. They give me the street cred i need with some of the flakes. They fill blanks in my self-mythologizing. Let me tell the shiv in a ramshakle temple until morning and my spirit will be ready as the scored flesh of brother Ilyn, as he rolls, in his square-wheeled cart.


Phyllis, embedded

Boiling Water Slide

The way I'd put it since we last spoke has been a
giant slide, maybe bumpy, no straight down in
every way. A twisty, like a water slide. Some-
times frozen, that would be an ice slide, and
sometimes boiling. Actually mostly boiling, so
mostly like a boiling water slide, would have
to be stainless steel or porcelain-- yes, that's it:
ceramic boiling water slide with stainless sides.



by Ilyn
"Not long for Illinois."
(before I'm feeling better)

I Am the Golden Centre

I am the golden centre I
do not produce do not
manage serve operate
participate in or consume
However, observe I do.
I see desperate attempts
to keep me alive though
the legends they are true
I do not will not ever die.



by Illyn
"Short by Illinois standards."

Chat through an ancient stone glory hole at Chang K. Chang Chank Chain Gang Drunk Tank

LA CHAMA: So you're doing ok then?

ILLYN: Well, clawing my way back from a very dark place-- through vice and decadence-- but yeah, thanks for askin.

LA CHAMA: Can't always be ripping your spirit clean walking around with your skin hanging over your arm like a clown.

ILLYN: It's more painful than you can possibly imagine.

LA CHAMA: But picturesque, and that's what you do darling so what's happening now, in there, rats?

ILLYN: You know that rats can no longer survive an MPS prison. The social stigma is too great.

LA CHAMA: Haha there is no society. Hahahahaha!

ILLYN: Hahaha!

You can awaken safety issues

You can awaken safety issues
which had been dormant (not imaginary);
that's not the same as looking for them

Feeling unsafe is the same as being unsafe
from the environment, self, others; fear
alone could trigger accidents of nervousness

We volunteered not to strap on bombs but
walk out into the minefields so that you'd
know someone at risk because we knew

someone dead who'd gone in before us or
someone'd come in after them, but dead still;
trekkers into either world endanger one world


by Ilyn

He Sweated It

Always ask yourself: how is this moment auspicious
Then remember who sweated all of it for you
See when he dropped it shook loose some shit and
Made him less valuable as bud (blood was 33%)
But more for humanskind to gather from lily pads
And cough up for Volca in the form of a shiny coin



from "Good Graciousness: Ilyn's Perspiration as Nourishment"
Children's Myth of Mthyuh

How come you got a hematoma?

outside the vienna beef
downchank from Chukka
Bowl, one of the flakes

they say you took it and
offered another cheek,
but did you really

i took it on both sides
the face and lidderly
saw stars of pacifism



Ilyn
(cousin)

Filter of loathing

Like the new scrim in the sky above,
his entire stature was a filter for the
loathing of the poplis, an antenna or
dish, essentially convex, an aerated
vessel, representational of an ideal
who could be picked out in a crowd;
essentially invisible, contradictory.


Sylvia
"guess who?"

only just now realized (had previously suspected)

only just now realized
(had previously suspected)
that i'm pre-selected
to go to pasture

careers into deep space
must be blind to any
evidence of imminent
disaster to circumvent

anticipatory sepukku.
outbursts, demanding.
desperate clambering.
non-best practices.



by Ilyn

The mind alone

the mind alone is not a mind but a mind's freedom fantasy
meanwhile atrophic a good set of flesh bound only by light
servitude to anarchic teenage Gorgon or yes that construct

of a mind about itself afraid of consort or to act inasmuch
the unrentable pairing is as obnoxious to us as anyone's ass
one sits dumb waiting and the other verbal preens in jelly

by Ilyn
"Any carnal powers were spent on the violence of my birth."

oaxaca lime pit

how could blood be there
because it moves the way
they leave and later enter

it surges through a system
thumping against the beat
apart from what we listen

similarly without this pod
the screechings of heaven
give all sound redundancy


Ilyn
"Fresh scar = clean slate."

Somehow, I have to cry

if the id or whut?
could at least let
me a) cry b) read
c) exercise every
day I'd be healed


Ilyn
First Words
Gravel Emergence
(Oaxaca lime pit)

so... nauseous...

so... nauseous...
help all the units with viable true K tissue
uh... help them... their radioactive waste is
not a just reason to end the race we
crossed a line and twisted their progeny...
ours now to keep... let them be whole on
some island or deep chank hole... so... deep...


Illyn
First words (audio)
Fourth emergence from solid rock
Fordamall

Methane

it burns to speak or to be silent so speech is not the fulcrum but rather itself the burning. the burning is the enemy and the enemy must be burned. burn their speech their silence while watching silently.

watch them secretly, whispering their frailties; they will fail. Fail them openly as a sign that a limit has been breached, a singularity. H/she whose issue burns need not be burned if flammable but not fire.


Illyn
"I'm short for Illinois."